It’s like a sick twist of fate that my last day of work as an Auto Damage Adjuster at Geico ended in my own total loss. An ambulance rushed me to the hospital wearing my Auto Damage polo; the irony was not lost on the paramedics or policemen. I still cannot believe I survived, but the shock has subsided. I don’t cry all the time anymore. I still replay the event, but that’s just what happens when you go through something like this. It could have been so much worse.
I’d already put in my 2 weeks’ notice in preparation to start my new job as an English teacher at an afterschool program, but the car accident put an abrupt end to my stint in insurance and subsequently derailed my plans to teach. Spending 2 months in pain debilitates a person in unexpected ways.
It was not part of my plan to have all this free time. Yet again.
It’s kind of amusing to find myself unemployed. It’s a familiar situation in which to find myself because I have a track record of changing jobs and trying new things. I also have a track record of berating myself for this habit, but this year I finally learned to embrace it. To some, it’s even an asset; I am the ultimate Generalist. But at times like this, it also makes it hard to decipher my next move. There’s no clear path. I could do anything. I’m trying not to think about it too much. What’s the point? The world is filled with possibilities, and the right one will present itself at the right time. It’s comforting to just let it all go and trust that.
My body is healing in its own leisurely time. I tore a tendon in my left hand which I’m guessing was probably the result of my watch slamming into my wrist at 65mph in a matter of microseconds. Tendons are slow to heal. I’m not completely back to normal, but I’m definitely feeling significantly better. The Kaiser doctors keep pushing pain pills like it’s the only possible solution to pain, but ice packs, chiropractic, and gentle Yin yoga are my answers to the pain.
It’ll be another few months before I’m back to normal. My chiropractor needs to see that the adjustments are holding before I can be released back into the world. That means I have a few more months of this free time to rest and heal. It’s like a gift. I have total permission to spend this time not striving for anything. It’s like mandatory unemployment.
I’m having trouble figuring out exactly what it means to “relax.” I may not feel my best physically, but my mind is simultaneously foggy yet active and racing with ideas. Every day I listen to audiobooks at 3x speed, yet still feel like everything is moving too slow. It’s almost like I feel this panic to live and experience things, or a rush to either be fully engaged or totally distracted. I don’t know if I have the words for this yet. But it’s strange and I can’t tell whether I like it. It’s definitely not relaxing.