On Turning 30

Somebody, please bring me a vegan gluten-free German chocolate cupcake!

Today is my 30th birthday and last month I found out I am one of those annoying gluten intolerant people. Turns out gluten is the main cause of my chronic itch (it’s a real thing; look it up) and bloat. I cut gluten out of my diet and presto! Problems solved…or so I choose to think. TMI? Too bad. It’s my birthday. And fuck gluten. This entire time? I’ve spent 30 years itchy for nothing. I thought I was just allergic to all the bullshit. Or dust. Or something equally as ubiquitous.

Today is also the day I said I’d officially close shop on FlowMats. If you live the San Francisco Bay Area, this is your last call! Actually, since lowering prices to right below cost–a painful but necessary step–, the yoga mats have been selling pretty fast…kind of. As of writing this, I somehow have 367 yoga mats occupying my living room floor, but at least I feel less despair when looking at them. In fact, I woke up this morning with 2 more sales in my inbox! Thank you. I know I said I’d donate all unsold inventory by today, which might still happen if the despair creeps back, but…

…somebody, please just buy me out already! I’m so close! And at my current prices, I still have nearly $10k in inventory, not including all the yoga mat bags. But let’s not linger. I wrote briefly about the story of FlowMats, so I feel no need to rehash the ups and downs of the last 3 stressful interesting years.

I also already wrote a listicle about things I’m glad I did before turning 30. It almost feels like I spent this last year in reflection of the fact that my 20s were about to end.

And now they have.

Reaching my 30s feels like a real milestone because it’s like I finally have permission to stop obsessing over how unimpressed I am with myself. I have so much to be grateful for. For example, I’m fucking alive. And my cats aren’t complete bitches. Things aren’t that bad. It could definitely be worse.

I find that the older I get, the more I come to realize we just need 3 things: good health, a loving family/friends, and something to keep us engaged. And passive income, a library card, and maybe a job. In that order.

Wait, why am I postulating on human needs when Maslow already painted us a pretty clear picture?


I’d like to take a moment to reflect on how I feel entering my 30s with more yoga pants than actual pants. I own 4 pairs of regular pants and 5 pairs of yoga pants, exactly as many of each as is necessary. I put a lot of thought into these kinds of things, which is evidenced by my Google search history. Any more than that would just be overkill; that’s how I feel.

I think our 30s are for switching to tea, owning our life choices, and finally feeling comfortable with our body hair. That’s why I sold my dusty coffee maker, no longer regret following my “bad boy” boyfriend to college, and stopped shaving. Who has time?

In other words: our 30s are for self-actualization. That’s what mine will be about.

Now pause. Turning 30 is not a magical age (yes, it is), nor did I have to wait until now to make changes (yes, I did), but there’s something about entering my 4th decade and realizing that statistically, I’m almost middle-aged, that causes me to pause. Life is too fucking short to cling to depressing regrets and unrealistic personal standards.

Last year I concocted this grand plan for the final year of my 20s. I made all these resolutions and goals, a few of which I managed to manifest into reality, but the majority of which I forgot about altogether or decided were kind of silly and not worth my time. I may finally own pajamas and a print subscription to The New Yorker, two goals fairly easy to manifest, but I still can’t do 100 consecutive pushups and I am not best friends with a New York Times bestselling author. I also did not (yet) publish a book, but I tell myself that’s only because I never figured out what to write about. Oops.

This year, I want to take a harder look at my behavior and habits and make changes and tweaks accordingly. For example, I quit drinking. This was an easy step toward my health because as I learned during 5 months of sobriety last year, there’s no chance I have an alcohol problem. It’s just unhealthy, and I inhale too much air pollution to justify taxing my liver as well. I also have a non-negotiable daily yoga and meditation practice, which up until, oh, today, has been very hit-and-miss the last 6 or so years. But managing stress and staying flexible, strong, and balanced into mid-life and beyond is important to me.

And that’s kind of it right now. Those are my primary goals for this year, among other more material goals like finishing this or that, doing this or that, and creating this or that. But I’m still figuring all that out, which I guess is just business as usual around here.


Wife, yogi, and cat mama living in the SF Bay Area.

2 thoughts on “On Turning 30

    • Thank you! I actually like that idea…I’ve thought of similar things in the past, but always just felt like my story wasn’t really worth telling. I suppose if nothing else, it’d def be a blast to write!


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